Welcome to Day 2 of our “book club”! We’re going chapter by chapter through Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman. Today’s chapter is called, “Disarming the Dude (or Dudette) with the ‘Tude”. And that’s really it, isn’t it? If my kids would just have a good attitude, I wouldn’t really care what they do!

Dr. Leman says the most important ABCs are: Attitude, Behavior and Character. The goal of parenting is to make sure our kids get these ABCs right. Today we’ll begin with Attitude. The hard part of attitude is that “attitudes are caught, not taught.” Dr. Leman suggests that if we want our kids’ attitudes to change, we have to change ours first.

OUCH.

You’ve seen it before. When kids are yelling and screaming…then their parents walk up and do the same. Its obvious where the kids are getting it from.

It’s not just our attitude WHILE they are disobeying. It’s our general attitude ABOUT our kids’ behavior. Dr. Leman gives the example of a mom taking the kids to the grocery store and right before they enter mom says, “Remember, no fighting. Keep your hands to yourself. And if you don’t, there won’t be any treats for you…” This mom is effectively saying, “I expect you to misbehave and you better not.” Isn’t that sad? I do this all the time! I tell Lydia how I do NOT want her to act and I’m teaching her to make trouble! It’s reinforcing what we talked about yesterday–that my kids get attention from me when they misbehave.

To help with our attitude, Dr. Leman suggests asking these questions about your child’s behavior:

1. What is the purposive nature of the behavior?

2. How do you feel in this situation?

3. Is this a mountain or a molehill?

When you realize why a child is acting the way they are and when you can see clearly your emotions it will help you realize how “big” the situation really is. Then you’ll be able to attack it in a better way. It’s true that sometimes I am so aggravated over a situation that I turn it into a mountain instead of treating it like a molehill. This gets consequent discipline out of whack, too because you have to build on what you’ve previously done!

All of this leads us to Character.  Character is who are kids are on the inside. Are our children caring about others before themselves? Are they respectful, do they have manners, tell the truth, self-motivated, punctual, bothered by sin, selfish, kind, a champion for the weak, obedient, use bad words and a hard worker?

How do we do this? Dr. Leman gives 3 simple steps (one more time, Oso!) if you want your children to have a “respectful, kind Attitude, to have Behavior that you’ll want to write your grandma about, and to have Character that reveals itself as true-blue even when you aren’t watching.”

1. Let reality be the teacher.

Dr. Leman coined the term “reality discipline” which means letting nature take its course. It means we don’t rescue our kids from “the consequences of failed responsibility.” Instead of thinking up new and big punishments, let natural consequences help you.

Example: Your son doesn’t do his science project. Don’t rescue him and stay up the night before to do it. Let him fail.

2. Learn to respond rather than to react.

I have heard this a million times in teachings on parenting and marriage. But what does that mean? Dr. Leman gives the best definition, “If your doctor says, ‘You responded to your medication,’ that’s good. If the doctor says, ‘You reacted to your medication,’ that’s bad.” Wow. I have definitely REACTED to my kids rather than RESPONDED.

Example: Your daughter says she wants a pony. Instead of rolling your eyes and saying, “How in the world could we afford a pony? And in this house?! That’s stupid.” Just talk about it–let her logically go down the road and see how a pony would be in her world. She’ll figure it out. Dr. Leman says use the phrase “Tell me more about that” to help you respond rather than react.

3. B doesn’t happen until A is completed.

Dr. Leman says this strategy works with every age and with every situation. If you’ve asked your child to do something, do not go on to the next thing until they have completed the first.

Example: You asked your son to mow the lawn. He doesn’t do it. Two hours later he asks to go to the pet store to buy some fish. You tell him no. AND you walk away.

I’ve been doing this with Lydia. If she responds to me with a bad attitude or shows disrespect I’ll correct her and then when the next thing that she likes rolls around (making a craft, bed-time story, etc.) I’ll say, “We’re not doing that.” She usually asks why and I say, “I don’t like the way you disrespected Mommy when you did so-and-so.” It also works when she hasn’t cleaned her room or done other chores. It’s hard but I’ve been putting off going to the library or store if she’s not done with what she’s been assigned to do. It’s been a much bigger lesson than doing an immediate punishment.

According to Dr. Leman the most important thing is our consistent ACTION. Not necessarily our WORDS. He says, “There is no harassing, no threatening, no warning…no reminding, no coaxing…no put-downs.” because these are the things that break down a relationship. I love this because it helps me step out of that big miry pit of arguing with a 4 year old. Which produces nothing but aggravation and hurt feelings. I’m hoping through all this I’m focusing on my ABC’s—Attitude, Behavior and Character so I can see those ABC’s in my children’s lives.

What do you think? Does this sound doable?

Let’s talk about it in our forums!

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BIG NEWS! I’m going to be a guest on Focus on the Family’s weekly webcast TOMORROW! The title is Concoctions that Connect Kids to Faith…isn’t that perfect? I’ll be interviewed about the Shoes2Share challenge & all the shoes Lydia and I collected. It’s at 2pm ET (but I’ll actually be on about 2:40), I would LOVE for you to listen!

abc blocks by leo reynolds

Thanks for joining me in digging through Dr. Leman’s book, Have a New Kid by Friday. A few weeks ago I heard a radio interview of Dr. Leman discussing this book. I knew I had to read it so I checked it out of the library and read it in one day. This is my second time through the book—as I’m reading it with you. So, I’m no expert on his philosophies. I have just seen my attitude towards discipline change so dramatically that I had to share it with you. Plus, I want (and need) your insight and conversation about the nitty gritty of this book—of how it relates to our own families.

Ready to get started?

The first chapter is entitled “Where Did They All Come From?” Ha! I like it already! Doesn’t it feel that way? When Lydia was born one of the first things I said (maybe THE first thing) was “THAT did not just come out of me!” I was so shocked at how much of her own little person she was. It was romantic then. Now, it’s just frustrating!

Dr. Leman begins this section with a story. This story stuck with me so much I find myself thinking about it when interacting with Lydia and Asa. The story is about a preschooler who is disobedient and mouthy and yelling at his mom on the way home from preschool. When they arrive home the first thing he says is, “Mom, where are my milk and cookies? We always have milk and cookies after school.” She looks at him and says, “We’re not having cookies today.” Then she turns around and WALKS AWAY.

The little boy runs after her, “But Mommy! We always have cookies!” The mother replies, “I’m sorry. I don’t like how you were disrespecting Mommy in the car. We’re not having cookies.” Then she turns and WALKS AWAY. The little guy is distraught and runs after her apologizing. The mom quickly takes him in her arms, accepts his apology, kisses him and even does a little more teaching about respect. But here’s where it gets good–the little boy says, “Now can we have cookies?” And the mom replies with a very clear and sure, “No.”

This is THE perfect example of Dr. Leman’s parenting philosophy. It’s about using more actions, more consequences and less words. He believes (and after reading, I do too) that most parents “snowplow” the roads of life for their kids. They don’t want their kids to have any bumps, any hiccups, any pain in their life. So, they essentially pander to their children and let their child’s wishes and desires rule the roost.

I didn’t know how much I was straddling this line of serving my children and being ruled by my children. I’m a stay-at-home-mom, I want to serve my kids! I’ve given up the very idea of “me-time” for my children’s every waking second! But I fear I may have been doing this to my detriment AND theirs. I can see that pampered spoiled child pop out of my kids every once in awhile. I can see how they demand from me, expect me to do everything for them and complain or argue when I ask them to do something they don’t want. I have unwittingly snowplowed my kids’ daily lives. And if I don’t get it under control, they will be fully dependent on me while despising me at the same time.

Don’t believe me? That’s essentially what Dr. Leman writes in this chapter. He says that kids naturally believe, “I only count when people notice me or when other people are serving me. I only count when I dominate, control and win.” Isn’t that sobering? Oh, I don’t want my children to have that underlying feeling in their lives. And I don’t want to be around a person like that!

The dicotomy of this is that our kids act up because they want our attention. They are constantly pushing and manipulating to get what they want–us. They want our full attention, our full care, our full “snowplow” every step of the way. And they are willing to initiate a power struggle to do so.

I’ve just recently begun to notice this with Lydia. She wants her way so she acts out. And I always feel like, “Well, I need to get her to obey immediately. I need to shut her down. I need to make sure she realizes right this instant that she cannot say that to me.” So I argue or punish and it turns into a huge drama. Dr. Leman says to stay away from power struggles. In fact, he says you’ll never win in a power struggle. Never.

So, let’s bring this to some practicality. Here are a few examples from this first chapter:

1. A kid pitches a fit in the mall because he wants to go to McDonald’s.

2. Your 3 year old purposely knocks down your 18 month old.

3. Your teenager says something rude about the meal you cooked her for dinner.

Honestly, think about your response to these situations. I can tell you my natural response:

1. Drag him to the bathroom and spank him.

2. Hug the 18 month old and angrily look at the 3 year old, then order the 3 year old go to his room.

3. Retort sarcastically that they can make their own dinner next time. (And of course, not follow through on that.)

Wow. I seriously feel horrible even saying that’s what I’d do. But I would!

Here’s what Dr. Leman says to do:

1. Say, “We’re not going to McDonald’s”. Turn your back and walk away. Your child is not going to stay on that floor long. The reason they are pitching a fit is because THEY WANT YOUR ATTENTION. Kids say “Jump!” and they want you to say “How high?”. If you turn your back on a child in the mall, they’ll be on your tail within ten steps.

2. Call the 3 year old over to you and say, “Do you need some attention today? If you need a hug, all you have to do is say so. Just come on over and ask me for a hug. You don’t have to push your sister over to get it. That kind of behavior is not acceptable.” When you call your 3 year old out for acting out on purpose, their defense falls pretty quickly. You are essentially stopping a fight between you and your 3 year old. It may look like the fight was between the siblings but in fact, your 3 year old was picking a fight with YOU. Plus, you’ve given your child the ok to show their feelings in an appropriate way.

3. When your teenager says it’s time to go to her friend’s to study say, “We’re not going to your friend’s.” Turn your back and walk away. When she asks why say, “We’re not going because I don’t appreciate the way you talked to me.” By refusing to play taxi driver you are showing your daughter who is in charge. She will think twice about how she speaks to you the next time.

Do you see how all these situations are NOT about the situation–they are all about how your children view you as a parent. If they respect or disrespect you. If they honor or dishonor you. If they want to control you or obey you.

Dr. Leman breaks this down into three simple steps (reminds me of Oso!):

1. Say it once. Dr. Leman says, “If you want your child to take you seriously, say your words once. Only once. If you say it more than once, you’re implying, ‘I think you’re so stupid that you’re not going to get it the first time, so let me tell you again.’” Wow. That means no warnings. No warnings.

2. Turn your back. You aren’t turning your back to be mean, you are turning your back to show that the conversation is done and you expect your words to be obeyed.

3. Walk Away. Don’t be tempted to over-explain. Don’t get into the power struggle. Just do what you say.

When we do these three things we are giving our kids guidance and accountability. They get to see the consequences for their actions. It’s time we stop running after our kids trying to appease them. We have to step up and actually be a parent!

What do you think? Is that enough homework for Monday?

Let’s talk about it in our Community!

I have to apologize for such a light week of posts! It was a crazy week–my daughter was at Princess Ballet Camp, my son had to get x-rays and Leigh’s sweet good-bye post. I guess they all threw me for a loop! Don’t worry, I’ve got lots of fun links for you today and I’ll be back full force on Monday! Happy Weekend!

Faux Wood Letter Tutorial at Little Birdie Secrets {super cute room decor & really easy!}

Polymer Clay Necklaces by Muffin Tin Mom {oh, here’s another great activity for the Fruit of the Spirit!}

Book Bash by Casa Camancho {a fun book party & reward!}

Biblical Discipline at 1+1+1=1 {oh, I want to read this post a few times!}

Free Printable Bookplate link at Silly Eagle Books {so adorable!}

linked to saturday stumbles at itscome2this

This morning Lydia began a new routine. She is to make her bed and clean her room before she comes down for breakfast. Today she stood at the top of the stairs to consult me about where to put a plastic bucket. It was a gift from a birthday party and it didn’t really fit anywhere. I gave her a few suggestions but she didn’t like any of them. She continued to whine because she wanted the bucket to go on her counter. I told her to put it in one of the places I suggested or I would put it away.

When she refused, I walked up the stairs and took the bucket. When she saw that I chose to put it in her closet (horrors!), she started screaming, “I DON’T WANT IT THERE!!” This escalated to wailing, stomping, throwing (just a blanket) and pushing (she pushed me). It was horrific. Kinda like a ballistic teenager. I was mortified.

In the midst of this turmoil, I told her that I was taking the bucket and then somehow I ended up deciding to take EVERYTHING out of her room. I put every single thing she owns in the hallway. The only thing left in her room is her bed (sans blanket), an empty bookshelf and a lamp.

Then I pulled out something Pa Ingalls taught me in On the Banks of Plum Creek. I explained that she is showing me that she cannot have self-control so from now on *I* will be doing her self-control. For the rest of the day, Lydia has only been able to do what I say. She sat at the table while I cooked. She did the dishes afterwards. She picked up my room while I washed the bathroom. She sat in the living room while Asa and I vacuumed (they call it “the vacuum game” and this was MAJOR punishment for her!). She had no bedtime story and is not allowed to move from any activity without asking me.

IT HAS BEEN HORRIBLE.

It’s more of a punishment for me than it is her. I mean, it’s working. She’s been obedient. But I’m about to go crazy. It’s hard being so…purposeful.

And there’s the rub. Is my daughter just responding to my loose standards? The tighter I become and the more strict I am with her schedule, the better she is. But is that too controlling?

Her behavior the last 2 weeks has been atrocious. I have suddenly felt like everything I’ve done for the past 4 years of her life is a sham. I am at a complete loss as to how to reach her. Which is why I emptied her room today. And why I’m making her do what I want every second of the day.

Depending on how she acts the rest of the day, we may do this again tomorrow. But where do we go from here? If she refuses to respond, what’s next?

Have you had to go to extremes in discipline?

empty room photo by tobo

Part 1 of our behavior chart adventure was actually a great success! Lydia was well-behaved. She received more positive than negative marks on her chart. The only problem is that I was out of town so she was with my parents for two days. Then on the day she was supposed to go out for her reward it was raining and my husband was alone with the kids. He didn’t have the pluck to take both kids out by himself in the rain. (I can’t say I blame him, either.)

So, on my first day home, Lydia was…a nightmare. I called my husband and said, “I wish you had taken Lydia on her reward because she has been SO bad today there is no way we can give it to her.” This has continued all week. She’s had her favorite stuffed animal taken from her. She’s had spankings. She’s been in time out too many times to count. And she just holds on to that rebelliousness ALL DAY LONG.

At about 10:00 this morning I had enough. I sent her to a silent time out in the other room. And I did what all good crazed parents do: I turned to twitter.

Soon I had over 10 responses. (Some of them VERY good, too!)

But this one hit me like a ton of bricks.

(from Sandra at Celebrate Every Day)

I literally smacked my hand to my forehead. It’s obvious my daughter is sinning. The only way to combat sin in our lives is through God’s Word. WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT BEFORE?!

So, we made another chart (I didn’t even take a picture of it because it’s so ugly. Really.) The top said, “Philippians 2:14: “Do everything without COMPLAINING or ARGUING.”

Then I made two columns on the bottom: one entitled LYDIA and the other entitled MOMMY. I told Lydia that every time she obeys the verse she gets a sticker. And even if I get onto her and she stops and obeys, she’ll get a sticker. But if she doesn’t then I get to make a mark in my section (an X, a line or a sad face).

She LOVED this idea. She was determined to get more stickers than me.

And the rest of the day was a DREAM.

We repeated the verse a lot of times. And each time she did it happily. She said, “OK, Mommy!” every time I asked her to do something. Twice she was reprimanded for something and I could see the internal struggle to pout. Instead she mustered up her self-control and said, “OK, Mommy.” Once we had to say the verse together in the middle of her “internal struggle”. But she said it with a lightness and sweetness in her voice.

I was amazed.

Before we went to bed we reviewed the chart. We talked about how great of a day this was without the whining and trouble. I told her we were only going to do the chart one more day.

Lydia: Why?

Me: Well, why do we obey the Bible? Why do we obey this verse? For stickers?

Lydia: (laughing) Nooo!

Me: We obey because God wants our hearts to obey and love him. This chart and these stickers are just practice so you can really learn how to obey.

Lydia: I’m going to get even MORE stickers tomorrow!

Tonight when we prayed before bedtime I had such a clear picture of WHY God gave us His Word. It isn’t just so we can honor Him. It’s also so OUR lives will be better. When Lydia obeyed, it changed the whole atmosphere of our house. What a picture to me as an adult, a wife and a mother—when I obey God, think of others first and control my mouth the atmosphere around me changes. I will see good things in my life because I’m obeying God!

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photo by pewari

Lydia turned four in January. I feel like it may have flipped a switch inside her. These last 2 weeks have been the most unbelievable—she argues, whines, pouts, stomps her foot and keeps her hair in her face to hide from me when she’s in trouble. Is she 14?!

The last few days have been so bad, I finally pow-wowed with my husband to think of a new way to discipline her. Nothing in our regular bag of tricks was working. We decided to try a little now-and-then discipline. If I had to get onto her 3 times, then my husband would discipline her when he got home, too. (Not as a “mama can’t handle it” but as an additional punishment.)

DID. NOT. WORK.

Then we thought a little positive reinforcement/reward stuff might be better. So I made a chart. It’s not lovely. But it has a few important points…

1. Scripture. I didn’t want a chart that said, “Lydia’s Behavior” or “Don’t Be Naughty”. So, I put Exodus 20:12 in “Lydia’s version” so it said, “Lydia honors her father and mother.”

2. Positive and Negative. I have issues with negative and positive reinforcement. I like the positive stuff but didn’t want to give rewards for false positives (ie. “Wow, you’re smiling, Lydia! You get a sticker!”) and I don’t want to make her think she’s earning my love and approval. And of course, negative reinforcement can always be rough. So. I’m doing a positive AND negative…I put hearts on it for when she does something very awesome (sharing with Asa, obeying immediately, etc.) and blue circles for times I hear her arguing, etc.

3. Her Involvement. I had her write her name at the bottom. I wanted her to be involved and know that she is a part of this chart. We read the verse together. I reminded her that this chart was to show when she was obeying God’s Word. She was very excited and wrote her name with pride!

4. Length. This chart is only for 3 days. I know I can’t expect a 4 year old to be perfect for 2 weeks. But 3 days will be a easy for her (and me!) to pay attention to!

5. Reward. If we deem her chart worthy (I haven’t actually decided how many heart/circles count), she gets to go to a inflatable game place with her Daddy and Asa this weekend.

It’s only been a couple of hours, so I haven’t filled anything in yet. I’m not sure how it’s going to work, but we’ll see. I’ll keep you updated.

Do you have any great ideas about creative discipline and behavior?

for more fun tips (and ones that have actually been, you know, tested visit Works for Me Wednesday!

I started reading Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp a few weeks ago. Usually it doesn’t take me so long to read a book but non-fiction is hard for me. I really have to focus. Anywhoo.

I’ve been mulling over one main point for a few days. I think I’m going to quote some of it. Ready to read?

You make a grave mistake if you conclude that childrearing is nothing more than providing the best possible shaping influences for your children. Many Christian parents adopt this “Christian determinism”. They figure that if they can protect and shelter him well enough, if they can always be positive with him, if they an send him to Christian schools or they can home school, if they can provide the best possible childhood experience, then their child will turn out okay. (emphasis mine)

Uhm. Guilty on all counts! From the time you get pregnant and pick up a parenting/pregnancy/kids magazine, you are told all the RIGHT things to do. And you feel like everything is an “if…then” statement. “If I breastfeed, they won’t have allergies.” “If I wear her in a sling, she won’t cry.” And as a Christian parent, “If I read her Bible stories and make her watch Christian TV shows, she’ll turn out right.”

The problem with these thoughts is that KIDS ARE PEOPLE, too! When we discipline our kids respond…not as we want, but as their heart leads them. I’m not suggesting that kids are static beings and however they are wired is how they are wired, the end, too bad for you.

According to Trent, “your son or daughter responds according to the Godward focus of his or her life…your children are responsible for the way they respond to your parenting.” Just doing the “right” things doesn’t make good kids…God’s Spirit on the inside of them is what makes them turn out right.

This alternately terrifies and encourages me! I’m terrified because ACK! I have to leave the eternal salvation of my children up to…MY CHILDREN?! It’s almost humorous to say, but that’s how it feels. I KNOW what they need, Who they need and how and when they should respond. You mean, I may do it all “right” and my kids may NOT follow the Lord?!

One of my favorite things at church is baptism. Before each baptism, there is a short video about the person getting baptized–they tell their background, their journey to God and finally say, “Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior!” I could watch their stories all day long. But it saddens me, too because almost every adult says, “I was raised in a loving Christian home.” Then they went to college, experienced a tragedy or married the wrong guy…or whatever led them away from God. And they spend years running from and ignoring God. How could their family been a loving Christian home and they turn out so WRONG?! (I’m using hyperbole here.)

It’s because the focus of their life–as a child and teen was not Godward. Their parents may have brought them to church, they may have prayed over meals and even done a family devotion. But for whatever reason, they didn’t have a Godward focus. And THEY chose–outside of their parents good intentions to pursue their own agendas.

I said this frightens AND encourages me. How can it encourage me, you ask? Well, it encourages me because it shifts my focus. I can easily get caught up in memorizing a scripture, making a Bible craft, watching a Christian show, reading a Bible story that I forget this parenting gig is NOT about ME. It’s about my children. I’m God’s agent right now. I get to introduce my children to Jesus in their formative years. I’m not trying to check off a list of things to do, or a filling in a formula.

Hopefully, I’m crafting a life that honors God. A life that is focused Godward. Hopefully, I’m living it every minute of the day. The real true things that will give my kids a Godward focus in their life is not a craft, an outing or a story. It’s the example that my husband and I live and the home we craft.

Of course, that can be terrifying, too. But how much more rewarding? We get to experience God’s grace in our lives and then see it at work in their lives, too. Impress Your Kids’ main goal is to show you all the little things you can do to focus your children and your family on God. It’s easy for me to get caught up in a cool activity or creative craft when I’m posting. I pray instead I will use this blog to help me (and you) focus our homes Godward.

I’ll close with a question from Shepherding a Child’s Heart…it’s the prayer of my heart…

Are you and your spouse spending time in prayer for God to reveal himself to your children? Ultimately God initiates any work in your children’s hearts.

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And here are a few scriptures to study:

Proverbs 29:21 early influences shape a life
Proverbs 4:23 focus is on the heart
Proverbs 9:7-10 wise versus the foolish
Proverbs 22:15 a child’s heart
Proverbs 4:23 importance of the heart

photo by just Luh

Today we had a first.

We spent most of the morning on the couch in our pj’s. We read lots of books and made a craft. Then I had to look up some phone numbers up on the internet and make some phone calls. You stayed next to me and played with your craft box and read. In between phone calls you looked at me and said, “I want to change clothes.” I shrugged and said, “OK, when I’m done, we’ll change.”

A minute later you were quite agitated and said, “I want to change clothes!”  And then you blurted out, “I’m hiding something from you! I’m hiding something from you!” You said this with your hand covering a part of your pajama pants. I thought maybe you had gone to the bathroom or drawn on your pants. Then I saw a tiny hole.

“Lydia, did you cut a hole in your pants with your scissors?” I asked.

You just nodded with tears in your eyes.

The dots all connected for me and I tried to speak gently, “And you were trying to hide it from me? That’s why you laid on the floor to read? That’s why you asked me to change clothes?”

Another nod.

I caught you up in my lap and had you sit face to face with me. “Lydia do you know the 2 things you did wrong?” I asked softly. You nodded in the affirmative again. “You cut your pants. Which you know you’re not supposed to do. We only cut paper. Then you hid it from Mommy. You shouldn’t hide anything from Mommy. Do you know what that’s called?”

You just stared at me.

“It’s a lie. And lies make Jesus so sad. They make me sad.”

This whole time all I could see was your sweet contrite face. And all I was thinking was, “Should I discipline her? What do I do?!”

So, I finally said, “I’m not going to punish you. We’re going to pray and you can ask Jesus to forgive you…remember our F verse? ‘He forgives all our sins.’”

You were really crying now and did not want to voice a prayer to Jesus! So, I prayed for us instead. I thanked God that you had such a tender heart that even in the midst of sin, you chose to do right.

This whole time I was still frantically wondering, “Do I punish her?!” I finally decided that instead of changing clothes I was going to make you wear the pajamas until it was time for us to go out later tonight. You were horrified. You were crying and crying, pointing at the hole in your pants, “I don’t want to wear these!”

You were so sincere and so remorseful. I honestly tried not to smile because you were so beautiful. And I said, “This is what we’re going to do. Let’s take your pants off and we’ll throw them in the trashcan, ok? This is just what Jesus does. When we ask him to forgive us, he throws our sins away and never remembers them.”

It was a long walk to the trashcan and you held my hand tightly the whole time. We threw your pajamas away. Never to be seen again. Just like your sin.

Lydia, I know you won’t remember this day. But I hope you remember this: that Jesus loves you. He takes your sin from you when you ask. And he dresses you with new clothes. (Isaiah 61:10) He sees you as his perfect daughter.

Just as I do.

love,
Mommy