Ok, everyone… I really need your help on this one.  I have no idea what to do…

Frequently, when I tell Elias something, he does not believe me.  In fact, he will argue the opposite point with me.  And I sit dumbfounded that I am arguing with a 3 year old about something that he knows nothing about.

Examples? He is convinced that the trunk of the car is in the front and the hood is in the back.  Nothing I or anyone else says will change his mind.  And it’s not a “woodpecker.”  It’s a “woodPACKER.”  It’s not “instructions” – it’s “constructions.”  And many, many more.

Seriously… I argue these points with him.  And it hasn’t just been the past little bit – these arguments have been going on for about a year or so – since Elias has been able to string together his thoughts into coherent sentences.

And I argue these points with him because I think it is important – not that the trunk is in the back of the car and the hood is in the front, but that he believes what I say and take my word as an authority in his life.

In a parenting class Josh and I are taking, we read the following in our workbook:

All children are born with an inherent sense of trust in Mom and Dad.  In the primary years, they believe everything Mommy and Daddy tell them, whether it is true or not.  By our correct words and deeds, we help them interpret life. (Along the Virtuous Way, footnote pg 59.)

I know that this is a blanket statement, and the point of the thought is not even that kids believe everything their parents say, but that we, as parents, should use correct words and deeds to help train our children by our example.

But as I think over that statement, I begin to wonder where I went wrong.  I have always tried (with varying degrees of success) to live as God would have me live – and especially with children, I have always wanted to model “correct words and deeds” for them. I cannot think of anything that I (or my husband) have done to destroy the trust Elias should have in our words.

Because if he, a 3 year old who cannot read and is an authority on nothing, does not believe the little things that we say (“No, really buddy, it is not a woodPACKER.  They do not PACK wood.  They PECK it.  Therefore, it’s a woodPECKER.”) how can I know that he will believe the big things I say?  I want him to take my word as an authority until he is able to read and fully comprehend what he has read for himself – and mostly, I want to start impressing God’s word on his heart before he can read. But if he doesn’t believe me when I say that God is love, that God loves him, that God is always with him, and all the good news and promises that the Bible contains… what is going to happen?

On top of all of that, how am I going to teach him other things through life?  I am planning on homeschooling – what if he rejects everything I teach him as fact?

I will say, Elias comes by this arguing quite naturally.  I mean, I can think of a couple people on each side of the family tree that are quite proficient in arguing. ehem…

OK – so here’s where I need your help: am I over-reacting?  (yes, yes, I know I am to some extent.  I cannot forecast what will happen coming down the road… and I cannot worry about the condition of his heart – that is up to the Lord.)  But should I be making a big deal about this now?  I said it happens frequently – I would say this happens 50% of the time.  What part of this is normal pre-schooler independence, and what part is not normal? IS THIS NORMAL? argh! I really do not know if anyone else is going/has gone through this before.

I would love to hear from you about this… thank you as always for your encouragement and helpful comments!!!

**This “issue/concern” is shaping my next lessons for Elias on Respect.  Stay tuned this week for some new things on Respecting God’s Word.

Josh and I are taking a parenting class this fall – a class where, surprisingly, we have one of the oldest kids of anyone in the class.  (We’re so far behind…)

One of the couples with a 16 month old asked if they were too early to start giving “time warnings” – as in, “Hey, little man, we’re going to leave in 5 minutes.”  The leaders of the class let us chime in with our experience – we started giving Elias minute warnings probably when he was about a year old (starting with the warning that bathtime was ending in one minute).  I really think that has saved us 3 years of crying fits…

I started noticing that we still do it.  It’s a part of our routine - we always give a heads up when we’re going to be walking out the door, or changing activities for any reason. We expect a response – Elias says, “OK, Mommy,” and Donovan says, “HMMMMOMMA!”  That response means that they’ve heard the warning, and that they will be ready to go when the time comes.

I’ve been watchful of the responses – I don’t want them to become automatic without really acknowledging that they’ve heard us – and so far, they have been real responses.  Because when I get a response that they heard me, we don’t have any fits or complaining about leaving.  They knew it was coming, and they were ready (unlike the picture at the top.  Apparently Momma forgot to countdown…).

This past Sunday, I took this a step further.  We have a challenging “church routine” for any toddler/preschooler – Sunday School classes start after the prayer and worship time, and the prayer and worship time typically lasts an hour.  That’s a long time for the little ones to sit still.  There are many families where we meet that have success in keeping their kids calm and quiet – and I know they started training them early.

But when Elias was at the age to be trained to sit and be quiet, I was pregnant with Donovan and I could not sit on the hard chairs that are in the main room.  So I moved with Elias out into another room with the cushy-ultra-comfy couches.  His prime training time was spent playing rather loudly at my feet… and now I move us out to that room to keep the rowdy boys from interrupting others’ worship time (Josh plays guitar during the worship time, and that is why he is not able to help me train the boys in this way).

Elias has come to think that when we are in the prayer and worship time, it is a time that is to be borne with much reluctance on his part.  Some of his best friends are also “sequestered” in the other room, so when we head out of the main room (with me in defeat), he is able to play with his buds.

I’ve managed with differing degrees of success to stay in the main room with the boys relatively quiet for most of the time on several occasions, but I am about to go crazy by the end of it. “Momma, can we go now?  How long do we stay here?  When can I go see my friends? Can we go now?  Can we go to the other room?  I want to go to the other room…” A continual flow of complaining and pestering makes me want to pull my hair out, and we finally go to the other room so I can keep my sanity.

So Sunday, before we left the house, I told Elias that today was going to be different. That I expected him to play quietly in the prayer and worship time without asking repeatedly to leave.  In fact, if he asked at all, he would be punished.  He looked at me and, without arguing, said, “OK, Momma.”  And he did it. We lasted about 30 minutes in the main room before Donovan got too loud, but Elias did not ask me to leave even one time.

So I learned that giving a heads up was not only a great way to prepare little ones for change, but also a great way to set expectations.  And instead of having to deal with his behavior in the heat of the moment, I was able to relax, knowing that Elias knew my expectations for his behavior, and contemplate how I was going to train the little guy that was squirming in my arms…

Now it’s YOUR TURN: How do you set yourself and your kids up for success in their behavior?  Do you have any “tricks” that work for your family in your experience?

photo by kay v

I am tired.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually…

I am working on getting myself back on track and fully functioning.  I’m working on getting back into God’s word to refresh me, as it always does.  I’m working on taking better care of myself physically so I have more energy and am healthier.  There are tons of wonderful, encouraging blogs out there for moms – to help us get back to where we need to be, or even just to help us know we’re not alone.

But what am I supposed to do with the kids while I “recover?” I don’t know how long I will be in this funk – and it is my job to be mom to my boys.  I can’t just ship them off someplace while I fix myself back up.

I’ve acted like nothing’s wrong and gone about our normal day-to-day routines – and sometimes God’s grace and mercy have gotten us through, but sometimes, I wind up even more tired on all fronts.  I’ve over-used the TV to help me make it through the day – an in-house equivalent of “shipping them off.”

Today I’m going to try something new. A low-key day, full of snuggles and prayer… maybe a TV show, lots of books… we may not get out of our PJs today.  But there will be lots of love for everyone involved.  I’ll let you know how this works out for us…

…now it’s your turn… please share with me your plan for days when mom is the tired/sick/sad one. I need more ideas up my sleeve for days like this.

I’m ashamed to admit this, but sometimes… I forget that baby #2 is a little person all unto himself. I concentrate so much on baby #1 that #2 gets the short shrift way too often.  In fact, this is what I feel like I see from him more often than not:

But Donovan is Mr. Personality… even though he isn’t talking yet, his personality is fully developed – he’s a class clown that loves to make people laugh.

He’s a cuddler and a lover already, and his enthusiasm for the world teaches me something new every day.  He has an insatiable thirst for reading books…

…and he isn’t embarrassed when I sing.  In fact, he’ll try to join in and then start dancing like a crazy man!

His heart is also ready to be impressed with the word of God – I just need to slow down and start to see him as the little man God has made him.

When I was reading online about things to do with Elias to get him crafting and teaching him God’s word, I ran in to advice about what to do with younger siblings.  Of course, I didn’t pay close attention at the time… and I’ve forgotten a lot of what I read.  But I’m trying to incorporate Donovan into much of what I do with Elias.  Donovan is 23 months younger than Elias, so there is a gap in development – I know he can’t use scissors yet, and he’s more interested in pouring out and picking up crayons than he is coloring, but he can sit with us at the table and pick up his crayons, paint with water, and even tear up pieces of paper for Elias to glue. And while Elias is going through another “No singing, Mom!” phase, Donovan climbs up into my lap and asks for more songs – so I’m using simple songs to pour God’s word into his little heart.

My next step is creating a special box just for Donovan – a little easy craft box that I can pull out and let him at it while Elias and I work on more difficult things. I’ll also use something like this when I start homeschooling Elias.  I need to reorganize my kids’ craft space first to figure out what we have, so I’ll give you an update when I get Donovan’s box done.

Because before I know it, this little man will be a man all unto his own… and he needs my attention and the word of God in his life, too.

Now it’s YOUR TURN: if you have children of different ages, what do you do to impress the word of God on each of their hearts?  Any special tips for keeping younger siblings busy when you’re working with your older kids? I’m looking forward to your ideas… I feel like I need all the help I can get!

I know. I know. Halloween is over a month away. Try telling that to the party-supply store I took my kids to today. The store had about 5-8 HUGE demon costumes hanging from the ceiling. They had attached enormous pieces of fabric to make them look like they were zooming around the store. One was a giant red devil with giant wings and was a little frightening even to me. Lydia showed so much self-control and just closed her eyes when we went by. Which is awesome for her—she would usually start screaming and not stop till we left.

So, I paid for my wares (plates and napkins for Asa’s first birthday party on Saturday!) and pushed the stroller toward the exit door. Suddenly, I hear the cashier say, “You forgot your bags!” Oops! I turned around and grabbed the bags, leaving the stroller where it was. Well, right by the exit door–so you CANNOT get away from it– is a zombie-Michael Jackson that wakes up when you walk by and screams while his red lazer eyes glow. Sure enough, Michael Jackson-zombie awoke while I was getting my bags and Lydia AND Asa began to scream hysterically. The neon-blue-haired cashier did not remotely offer to turn off the thriller-zombie OR to open the door OR to help me with my bags. It was a literal nightmare.

I felt sick when I left. I had to apologize to both my kids for taking them in that store! It was a horrible feeling.

Now, here’s the thing. I’m not  opposed to a good trick-or-treat around the neighborhood. In fact, I love me a good costume. And I get excited about candy corn and Reece’s peanut butter pumpkins. I love all the churches that do carnivals and parties in October. The past 3 Halloweens I’ve let Lydia dress up. Last year we went to my mom’s church & their festival, once we went to the Atlanta Zoo’s party and once we went trick-or-treating at my aunt’s house. Lydia had NO idea what was going on. She was just excited that we got to dress up and have candy.

Now she’s 3 1/2. And thanks to our Michael Jackson-zombie she now understands that Halloween=scary stuff. So if we do an innocent dress up this year, it’s going to take some explaining…how do I tell her, “Oh, yeah, well, we don’t like this gross scary stuff. But we are going to dress up in a nice costume and hope we don’t see any scary costumes. And get some candy. So, yeah, we hate Halloween. But we also really enjoy it.”

I had a friend that told me her parents never let her do Halloween. She and her brother were mad and thought their parents were being unfair. One day before Halloween her parents came home with bags of candy and dumped them out all over the kitchen table. They told their kids, “This is NOT about candy.” They wanted to show their kids that they weren’t keeping them from something good (candy), they were really keeping them from something evil (insane zombies, etc.).

SO. I think I’m rambling. But I’m just wondering about what you do. How does your family do Halloween? Or how do you ignore it? It’s YOUR turn…

photo by vintagehalloweencollector

With everyone going back to school, I’ve been thinking a lot about…well, school. Lydia is only 3 but she loves loves loves all things school-y. She loves to read, color, write, draw, spell and sing. She loves doing things in order and learning new stuff. (Do you love my descriptive words—”things” and “stuff”?)

She’s got several school-y type books from KUMON, a Strawberry Shortcake phonics book and a random learn-how-to-cut book I found on clearance at WalMart. The other day I even picked up (are you ready for this?) Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. I know, I sound like a freak, don’t I?

Right now we don’t do a scheduled “school” time. I’m not actively trying to teach her to read, write or spell. When we do crafts and other purposeful activities, I’m usually doing a scripture, Bible story or Fruit of the Spirit. We do some of her school-y workbooks while I’m making dinner or while I’m writing on the computer. She just really loves to do it. She makes me hold books right in front of her face while I’m reading so she can “learn to read, too!”.

It’s YOUR TURN: Before your kids were kindergarten age, what did you do about teaching and schooling? Did you just talk about rhyming, colors and numbers as it came up? Did you try some kindergarten-readiness books, websites or classes? Or did you just wait till they were in kindergarten and let the teachers do their jobs? If you are homeschooling, when do you start the “real” teaching?

When my daughter turned 1, my parents bought her a Little Mermaid tent. She loved it. She could crawl inside and be all by herself and play with her stuffed animals. The first time I crawled in I was a little shocked…the only thing I could see was a giant half naked girl with a shell push up bra staring back at me!

When High School Musical first came out, and every living and breathing middle school girl was in love with Zac–I was at WalMart and saw a little girl about 5 years old wearing a High School Musical shirt. It stared at her because it was so incongruous. She was probably not even in kindergarten and she already liked a movie about High School so much she wanted the shirt?! Granted, she probably had older siblings. I know, there wasn’t any kissing in the movie. Yeah, it’s Disney. But a five year old wearing a HIGH SCHOOL shirt?

One of my friends was telling me about a mom she knew with a three year old. She said the three year old knew every word to the Jonas Brothers and Taylor Swift and “isn’t that cute?!” We both looked at each other and said, “No. Not really. He’s three.” (Of course, that mom wasn’t there so really the conversation may have leaned toward the gossip-y side…)

Why do we feel the need to push our kids into age groups older than them? Why can’t we let little kids be little kids? I don’t want my three year old watching OR desiring to watch Hannah Montana. I don’t want her listening to or WANTING to listen to the new pre-teen pop star. I want her to stay a child as long as possible. I want her to be naiive to the things of this world. To be innocent about sin. To be soft and pliable for as long as possible.

In Song of Solomon, King Solomon’s lover tells the women of Jerusalem, “Don’t stir up love. Don’t wake it up until it’s ready.” Our society has pushed our kids to awaken love too early—and not just love or sexuality, but just grown up stuff! And then when they are 10 and 12 and want to go to the movies with a boy and are copping attitudes with us, we wonder why!

For me, I am protecting my kids from grown up stuff. I’m trying to keep them childish as long as possible. And I know I might be a little strict but, here are some of the things I do…

• We watch kids’ shows. Old school kids shows even.
• We do NOT watch shows geared to elementary kids or adults. Period.
• We listen to kids’ music. Not elementary school kids music. Preschool music.
• We don’t talk about boyfriends, high school or “big kid” stuff like it’s something we’re missing out on.

HOWEVER, instead of making these a RULE that she has to follow, it’s more of an unspoken way of behavior. We watch kids’ shows and she loves them. We listen to preschool music and when my husband turns on his “cool” music, she doesn’t like it. She talks about having a husband and being a mom. It’s just the way it is–we make it desirable AND then it IS desirable.

It’s your turn! How do you keep your kids KIDS? What age appropriate things do you purposely do with your kids?

ps–this post was inspired by a great post I read at Modern Mami’s this week…

All verses are taken from the New International Reader’s Version.

What amazing promises are there in God’s Word for those who cry out to Him, who call out to Him in prayer!

Psalm 18:6
When I was in trouble, I called out to the Lord. I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice. My cry for help reached his ears.

Psalm 34:17
Godly people cry out, and the Lord hears them. He saves them from all of their troubles.

Psalm 57:2
I cry out to God Most High. I cry out to God, and he carries out his plan for me.

Psalm 88:13
Lord, I cry out to you for help

Psalm 119:147
I get up before the sun rises. I cry out for help. I’ve put my hope in your word.

My husband and I started crying out to the Lord for our children before we had them, and we continue to lift them up to the Lord, covering them in prayer.  We wanted to make prayer an important part of their lives, so from infancy, we have prayed out loud over them.  We pray at mealtimes and at bedtime.  We encourage prayer throughout the day, and the boys frequently hear me call out to the Lord for help during the day (mostly for patience…).

We started hearing Elias cry out to the Lord just after he turned two.  While he was sitting in time out one evening, we heard, “PLEASE, LORD! PLEASE, LORD! Make me better!” in the middle of his sobs.  Our hearts broke as we heard his call to the Lord, and we thanked the Lord for the encouragement we drew from Elias’s little prayer.

Elias continues to cry out to the Lord – frequently in time out – and his prayers swing from a self-centered 3 year old’s prayer (“Please make Donovan give me back my car!”) to prayers of repentance (“Please make me better so I don’t hit Donovan anymore!”).  His time out prayers still begin with the loud cry, “PLEASE, LORD! PLEASE, LORD!”

I learn so much from his prayers – the simple prayers of a child.  They are simple, but they are exactly what the Lord wants – the cry of his heart.

Psalm 142:5
Lord, I cry out to you. I say, “You are my place of safety. You are everything I need in this life.”

He is everything we need in this life, and He is the only thing that can “make us better.”

Psalm 5:3
Lord, in the morning you hear my voice. In the morning I pray to you. I wait for you in hope.

Psalm 42:8
During the day the Lord sends his love to me. During the night I sing about him. I say a prayer to the God who gives me life.

Amanda shared some of her thoughts on prayer last week – what a beautiful way to pray for your kids!  It’s so important to teach kids to pray Scripture from the beginning, too – it can never be too early for them to learn that God’s Word never returns void!  Memorizing Scripture is a good way to get that started….

… and now it’s your turn… how do you incorporate prayer into your children’s lives?

I get the feeling sometimes that I’m the “mean mom.”  Do you know what I mean?  The mom who doesn’t let her son do what his little friends are doing, or have what they have…

I’m already tired of being the “mean” one.  But I realize I’m going to have a lot more of this feeling in my life as Elias gets to be more aware of what is out there and what he wants.

I really do not knock other parents for letting their children do what I don’t let mine do.  I promise!  My husband and I do have our priorities, though, and they seem to be different than many others.  We have chosen for me to stay at home, and the financial ramifications of that are the most visible… My husband’s job is able to provide everything we need, but we still are living paycheck to paycheck.  That means not having all the toys that Elias (already!) wants, going to all the classes his friends are going to, even eating lunch out with friends on a regular basis.  We wind up staying at home a lot, playing with what we have and not even tempting ourselves (ehem… by this I mean me, too) by seeing what others have and are doing.

At this point in Elias’s life, this is most deeply felt with the toys he wants.  He has TONS of toys – gifts, and yes, even the occasional splurge on my part – but there are toys that are out there that his little 3 year old heart desires, that I know are not beneficial for him, for his spirit, for his imagination, or our wallet.  All those combined lead me to the conclusion that that toy (or class or whatever) is not a priority for us.

It is easy at this point in his life to distract him, but I am also working to instill in his heart a sense of gratitude for what we have and that God will provide all we need.  And no, we don’t need that…

I had been struggling with how to say what I mean in this post – not to offend, but to present what is on my heart… and last week, these two posts really touched my heart.  It looks like God is working in many peoples’ lives, calling them to Him and Him alone.

The priority that we are setting to  “…be happy with what you have…”( 1 Timothy 6:6) is just one aspect of how our family’s priorities may be different from others.  So now it’s your turn… how do you teach your little ones your family’s priorities, especially when they are different from others’?

Yesterday the whole family made a trek to a bookstore. We were all in one aisle looking at books. Asa was crawling around, Lydia was pulling on her Daddy’s arm to go LOOK! AT! THE! AMERICAN! GIRL! I was sitting on the floor reading a book about ::cough:: twitter. Suddenly, Lydia decided to give Asa a big hug. Around his throat. Then she thought it would be fun to pick him up. When I saw what was happening, I yelled, “Put him down!” And she did. Dropped him like a hot potato. It would have made his teeth rattle if he had any.

This is not a new occurence. In fact, a few days ago, I tweeted this:

I know she’s just having fun. She doesn’t know how delicate our little guy is. (He better enjoy being called delicate now ’cause I can tell my 20 pounder will never hear that description again!) But I can see something new developing…selfishness. She wants what she wants. Period. She can’t fathom that Asa has needs and desires (or bones that can be broken!). She’s 3 1/2. That’s just who she is. But, hopefully she won’t stay there.

So, this new sibling interaction has got me thinking about selfishness, learning to put the other sibling’s needs first and the fine art of  THE APOLOGY. You’ve seen it happen before:

Kid #1 takes Kid #2’s toy.

Kid #2 wails.

Mom enters.

Mom confiscates toy.

Mom makes Kid #1 apologize.

Kid #1 barely opens mouth and mumbles “sorry”.

It means nothing. The wailing may have stopped. The toy may have been returned to the rightful owner. But the matter of the heart (read: selfishness, greed, etc.) is still there!

Apologies should come from the heart. Jesus talks about reconciling with friends BEFORE you even ask God for forgiveness. After King David committed murder and adultery (yikes!) he repents and writes the song recorded in Psalm 51. He says, “My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”

God wants us to be TRULY sorry…or rather truly HUMBLE. We need to realize that we’ve put our wants and needs above everyone else. I feel like teaching my kids to humbly apologize is going to set up their hearts to be able to easily (and quickly) ask for God’s forgiveness. I do not want to have their first “i’m-sorry” experience be a shoulder shrug, some eye-rolling and a mumbled “sorry”. God desires a contrite heart. And I think our family members desire the same!

YOUR TURN: how do you help your kids see the need to apologize? how do you help them do it? do you make your kids apologize to you? to their siblings? friends? what’s worked or not worked for you?