Ok, everyone… I really need your help on this one.  I have no idea what to do…

Frequently, when I tell Elias something, he does not believe me.  In fact, he will argue the opposite point with me.  And I sit dumbfounded that I am arguing with a 3 year old about something that he knows nothing about.

Examples? He is convinced that the trunk of the car is in the front and the hood is in the back.  Nothing I or anyone else says will change his mind.  And it’s not a “woodpecker.”  It’s a “woodPACKER.”  It’s not “instructions” – it’s “constructions.”  And many, many more.

Seriously… I argue these points with him.  And it hasn’t just been the past little bit – these arguments have been going on for about a year or so – since Elias has been able to string together his thoughts into coherent sentences.

And I argue these points with him because I think it is important – not that the trunk is in the back of the car and the hood is in the front, but that he believes what I say and take my word as an authority in his life.

In a parenting class Josh and I are taking, we read the following in our workbook:

All children are born with an inherent sense of trust in Mom and Dad.  In the primary years, they believe everything Mommy and Daddy tell them, whether it is true or not.  By our correct words and deeds, we help them interpret life. (Along the Virtuous Way, footnote pg 59.)

I know that this is a blanket statement, and the point of the thought is not even that kids believe everything their parents say, but that we, as parents, should use correct words and deeds to help train our children by our example.

But as I think over that statement, I begin to wonder where I went wrong.  I have always tried (with varying degrees of success) to live as God would have me live – and especially with children, I have always wanted to model “correct words and deeds” for them. I cannot think of anything that I (or my husband) have done to destroy the trust Elias should have in our words.

Because if he, a 3 year old who cannot read and is an authority on nothing, does not believe the little things that we say (“No, really buddy, it is not a woodPACKER.  They do not PACK wood.  They PECK it.  Therefore, it’s a woodPECKER.”) how can I know that he will believe the big things I say?  I want him to take my word as an authority until he is able to read and fully comprehend what he has read for himself – and mostly, I want to start impressing God’s word on his heart before he can read. But if he doesn’t believe me when I say that God is love, that God loves him, that God is always with him, and all the good news and promises that the Bible contains… what is going to happen?

On top of all of that, how am I going to teach him other things through life?  I am planning on homeschooling – what if he rejects everything I teach him as fact?

I will say, Elias comes by this arguing quite naturally.  I mean, I can think of a couple people on each side of the family tree that are quite proficient in arguing. ehem…

OK – so here’s where I need your help: am I over-reacting?  (yes, yes, I know I am to some extent.  I cannot forecast what will happen coming down the road… and I cannot worry about the condition of his heart – that is up to the Lord.)  But should I be making a big deal about this now?  I said it happens frequently – I would say this happens 50% of the time.  What part of this is normal pre-schooler independence, and what part is not normal? IS THIS NORMAL? argh! I really do not know if anyone else is going/has gone through this before.

I would love to hear from you about this… thank you as always for your encouragement and helpful comments!!!

**This “issue/concern” is shaping my next lessons for Elias on Respect.  Stay tuned this week for some new things on Respecting God’s Word.

***Impress Your Kids has some new digs at ohAmanda.com! Come visit us there for all the Impress Your Kids archives and all our new posts–including our Easter newsblast with fabulous tips for celebrating a meaningful Easter with your kids!***

Josh and I are taking a parenting class this fall – a class where, surprisingly, we have one of the oldest kids of anyone in the class.  (We’re so far behind…)

One of the couples with a 16 month old asked if they were too early to start giving “time warnings” – as in, “Hey, little man, we’re going to leave in 5 minutes.”  The leaders of the class let us chime in with our experience – we started giving Elias minute warnings probably when he was about a year old (starting with the warning that bathtime was ending in one minute).  I really think that has saved us 3 years of crying fits…

I started noticing that we still do it.  It’s a part of our routine - we always give a heads up when we’re going to be walking out the door, or changing activities for any reason. We expect a response – Elias says, “OK, Mommy,” and Donovan says, “HMMMMOMMA!”  That response means that they’ve heard the warning, and that they will be ready to go when the time comes.

I’ve been watchful of the responses – I don’t want them to become automatic without really acknowledging that they’ve heard us – and so far, they have been real responses.  Because when I get a response that they heard me, we don’t have any fits or complaining about leaving.  They knew it was coming, and they were ready (unlike the picture at the top.  Apparently Momma forgot to countdown…).

This past Sunday, I took this a step further.  We have a challenging “church routine” for any toddler/preschooler – Sunday School classes start after the prayer and worship time, and the prayer and worship time typically lasts an hour.  That’s a long time for the little ones to sit still.  There are many families where we meet that have success in keeping their kids calm and quiet – and I know they started training them early.

But when Elias was at the age to be trained to sit and be quiet, I was pregnant with Donovan and I could not sit on the hard chairs that are in the main room.  So I moved with Elias out into another room with the cushy-ultra-comfy couches.  His prime training time was spent playing rather loudly at my feet… and now I move us out to that room to keep the rowdy boys from interrupting others’ worship time (Josh plays guitar during the worship time, and that is why he is not able to help me train the boys in this way).

Elias has come to think that when we are in the prayer and worship time, it is a time that is to be borne with much reluctance on his part.  Some of his best friends are also “sequestered” in the other room, so when we head out of the main room (with me in defeat), he is able to play with his buds.

I’ve managed with differing degrees of success to stay in the main room with the boys relatively quiet for most of the time on several occasions, but I am about to go crazy by the end of it. “Momma, can we go now?  How long do we stay here?  When can I go see my friends? Can we go now?  Can we go to the other room?  I want to go to the other room…” A continual flow of complaining and pestering makes me want to pull my hair out, and we finally go to the other room so I can keep my sanity.

So Sunday, before we left the house, I told Elias that today was going to be different. That I expected him to play quietly in the prayer and worship time without asking repeatedly to leave.  In fact, if he asked at all, he would be punished.  He looked at me and, without arguing, said, “OK, Momma.”  And he did it. We lasted about 30 minutes in the main room before Donovan got too loud, but Elias did not ask me to leave even one time.

So I learned that giving a heads up was not only a great way to prepare little ones for change, but also a great way to set expectations.  And instead of having to deal with his behavior in the heat of the moment, I was able to relax, knowing that Elias knew my expectations for his behavior, and contemplate how I was going to train the little guy that was squirming in my arms…

Now it’s YOUR TURN: How do you set yourself and your kids up for success in their behavior?  Do you have any “tricks” that work for your family in your experience?

***Impress Your Kids has some new digs at ohAmanda.com! Come visit us there for all the Impress Your Kids archives and all our new posts–including our Easter newsblast with fabulous tips for celebrating a meaningful Easter with your kids!***

photo by kay v

I am tired.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually…

I am working on getting myself back on track and fully functioning.  I’m working on getting back into God’s word to refresh me, as it always does.  I’m working on taking better care of myself physically so I have more energy and am healthier.  There are tons of wonderful, encouraging blogs out there for moms – to help us get back to where we need to be, or even just to help us know we’re not alone.

But what am I supposed to do with the kids while I “recover?” I don’t know how long I will be in this funk – and it is my job to be mom to my boys.  I can’t just ship them off someplace while I fix myself back up.

I’ve acted like nothing’s wrong and gone about our normal day-to-day routines – and sometimes God’s grace and mercy have gotten us through, but sometimes, I wind up even more tired on all fronts.  I’ve over-used the TV to help me make it through the day – an in-house equivalent of “shipping them off.”

Today I’m going to try something new. A low-key day, full of snuggles and prayer… maybe a TV show, lots of books… we may not get out of our PJs today.  But there will be lots of love for everyone involved.  I’ll let you know how this works out for us…

…now it’s your turn… please share with me your plan for days when mom is the tired/sick/sad one. I need more ideas up my sleeve for days like this.

***Impress Your Kids has some new digs at ohAmanda.com! Come visit us there for all the Impress Your Kids archives and all our new posts–including our Easter newsblast with fabulous tips for celebrating a meaningful Easter with your kids!***